Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
