You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
