Michael Bay diarrhea
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
