I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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