I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize