I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Dear god my vagina.
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