I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
