im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
