I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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