I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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