That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
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While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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