Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Randomize
