So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I know her cup size but not her name....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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