I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
