hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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