my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
