his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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