I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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