I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
