Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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