she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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