Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
