It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
