I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
