Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
