can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
