her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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