new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
