I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
