There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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