So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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