I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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