I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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