just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
