Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize