I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
