His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
