I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
