just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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