you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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