with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize