fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
