somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i already hear my dad disowning me
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
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He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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