I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
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I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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