He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize