You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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