Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
