Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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