and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
