But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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