At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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