She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
