i just had sex bonerless
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
