It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Terrible idea I love it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
