Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
