Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
