He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
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I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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