i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
